I can’t understand what I have done to you to deserve this. We have been fighting because I don’t trust you, well obviously there is no fucking reason to trust you. Why in a hell do you tell me that I’m something special, that you hate those girls, when I can see that you love them. This shit has lasted for 2 years, and I’m feeling so numb. Why do you have to lie to me, I have asked these things thousand times and every fucking time you say that I am overreacting or something. I need explanations, right now.

My feelings are such a mess. I’m crying my eyes off, because of him. Fuck this shit, I can’t stand this anymore.

i don’t know what i should do with him. he’s making me crazy, good and bad way, both. i feel like i’m anything than harm to him. we can’t do anything that people in relationships do. we can’t fall in love with others, because it would feel like cheating and we couldn’t be friends anymore. we have no future. but still he is the person, that i want to be with and i can’t let go. my mind is a fucking big mess. and my youth.. it may be like this, ‘til i move somewhere else and start a new life. after two years. two years of this mess.. i don’t know, do i want it or not.

I haven’t felt beautiful in months. I’m scared of what will I look like after a year. I can be even uglier than now.